Coming out....
- guillaume2285
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
You have probably heard people talk about “coming out” before, sometimes in ways that feel too simple, too harsh, or even kind of intimidating. The reality is, there is no single way to come out, and no rulebook for how it should go.
Many people use the term “coming out” to refer to the process of telling someone else how they identify in terms of romantic orientation, sexual orientation, or gender identity. But coming out is more than just one moment, it is a lifelong process that includes both intrapersonal and interpersonal parts. For most people, it begins with a personal, internal journey; a phase of first coming out to yourself.
The intrapersonal part often starts with feeling a disconnect between your internal experiences, desires, or feelings and what society says is “normal.” You might explore those feelings, gather information, and try to find language that fits what you are experiencing. You may spend time making sense of things, choosing whether to embrace or suppress certain parts of yourself, and that process alone can be deeply meaningful and valid.
The interpersonal part is about connection. It can involve talking through your experiences with others, looking for community, or sharing your identity with someone you trust. That sharing, whether with one person or many, can be powerful, but it is not required in order for your identity to be real.
Cis-heterosexism (i.e., the societal and institutional assumption that people are straight cisgender and fit neatly into the binary) often makes this process more complex. If your feelings or sense of self do not align with those expectations, it can create a real sense of dissonance. For many, simply recognising that difference is the first step in their coming out journey.
Coming out in order to live openly is not something you do once, or even just for a year. It is a decision we make over and over again in new relationships, new jobs, new communities. Every coming out experience is different and needs to be navigated in the way that feels most comfortable for you. Whether it is the first time ever or the first time today, coming out can be a vulnerable and sometimes exhausting process. And still, choosing to live authentically, in any form, at any pace, is an act of courage.
While it can be challenging, coming out also has the potential to bring significant mental health benefits. Research suggests that people who come out to friends, family, or trusted others often experience reduced stress and lower rates of depression1. This is likely due to a decrease in the emotional burden of hiding one’s identity, and the increased sense of belonging and support that can come with being seen and accepted. When safe to do so, living openly can help affirm your identity and create space for more genuine relationships.
For some of us, there are people we feel ready to open up to… and others we don’t, whether it is because it does not feel safe, comfortable, or right. That is completely okay. Coming out is not a one-time event. It can happen gradually, maybe with a few close friends, a family member, someone you trust online, or just one person who truly sees you.
... And if you decide you are not ready to come out to anyone but yourself, that is valid too. There are many reasons people choose not to share this part of themselves with others. Whatever your process looks like, it is yours, and it doesn’t make you any less real or deserving of support.
Sometimes, though, coming out does not go the way we hope. People might not respond with the care or understanding we need. When that happens, it is important to remember: their reaction says more about them than it does about you. It does not make your identity less valid, and it is not your fault. You deserve to be met with open arms, compassion, and love.
If you are in a situation where coming out feels risky or unsafe, it is completely okay to make a back-up plan. That might mean thinking ahead about where you can turn for support, talking to someone you trust, or simply giving yourself permission to wait. You get to choose the pace and the path that feels right for you.
At Inner Space Clinical psychology your trained therapists can offer you the support you may need.
📞 Contact us today to book a confidential consultation.
1Russell, S. T., & Fish, J. N. (2016). Mental Health in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Youth. Annual review of clinical psychology, 12, 465–487. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-021815-093153
Support resources in Australia for LGBTQIA+ individuals, including mental health services, community support, crisis lines, and resources specific to young people and First Nations communities:
LGBTQIA+ Support Services
1. QLife
1800 184 527
3 PM – Midnight (local time), every day
Free, anonymous, and inclusive peer support and referral service for people of diverse genders and sexualities.
2. Minus18
Youth-led org supporting LGBTQIA+ youth through events, resources, and education. Great for young people exploring identity and looking for community.
3. Twenty10 (NSW-focused but with national resources)
(02) 8594 9555
Support services, housing, counselling, and peer groups for LGBTQIA+ people aged 12–25.
4. Switchboard Victoria
1800 184 527 (also part of QLife)
Provides peer-based support services, including support for older LGBTQIA+ people and LGBTIQA+ people of colour.
5. Transcend Australia
Support and advocacy for transgender, gender-diverse, and non-binary young people and their families.
6. ACON (NSW-based)
Health services and support for LGBTQIA+ people including mental health, sexual health, and HIV prevention
Mental Health & Crisis Support
1. Lifeline Australia
13 11 14
24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention for all Australians.
2. Beyond Blue
1300 22 4636
Mental health support with specific resources for LGBTQIA+ people.
3. Headspace
Youth mental health support for people aged 12–25, including LGBTQIA+ services at many centres.
Support for First Nations LGBTQIA+ People
1. BlaQ Aboriginal Corporation
Supports Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTQIA+ communities through programs, advocacy, and community care.
2. Black Rainbow
A national advocacy platform and support network for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTQIA+ people, focusing on mental health and suicide prevention.
Information and Advocacy
1. Equality Australia
Legal and policy advocacy for LGBTQIA+ rights across Australia, with helpful information on discrimination and support pathways.
2. Parents of Gender Diverse Children
Support and connection for parents and carers of trans and gender-diverse young people.
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