Understanding and Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: A Roadmap to Self-Worth

Low self-esteem is more than just a passing bad mood or a lack of confidence before a big event; it is a pervasive, deeply rooted pattern of how someone views and values themselves. And for many, it is a silent, daily struggle that shapes how they think, feel, behave, and relate to others.

This blog explores what low self-esteem looks like, how it affects everyday life, where it comes from, how it can be changed... and importantly, how therapy can help.

What is Low Self-Esteem?

At its core, self-esteem refers to how we view and value ourselves as a person. If you frequently find yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m a failure,” or “I don’t deserve happiness,” then low self-esteem may be at play. These aren’t just random negative thoughts, they are often tied to deeper, long-standing beliefs formed early in life, usually outside of our awareness.

How Low Self-Esteem Shows Up in Everyday Life

1. Emotional Life

Chronic feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, or anxiety are common for people with low self-esteem. These emotions can be overwhelming and interfere with decision-making, self-expression, and mental health.

2. Work or Study

Even capable, intelligent people may underperform or avoid opportunities due to fear of failure, or overwork themselves trying to "prove" their worth. Success is often dismissed or attributed to luck rather than skill.

3. Relationships

Low self-esteem can lead to sensitivity to criticism, people-pleasing, withdrawal, difficulty asserting needs, or tolerating mistreatment. Intimacy may feel unsafe or undeserved.

4. Leisure and Self-Care

Enjoyment and self-care might be deprioritised; people with low self-esteem often feel they don’t “deserve” rest or fun. Others may hide behind perfectionism and never allow themselves to be seen unless they appear flawless.

Where Does It Come From?

Low self-esteem often develops from early experiences: being criticised, neglected, bullied, or held to impossible standards. These experiences lead to negative core beliefs such as “I am worthless,” or “I am unlovable.”

To cope, people create rigid rules and unhelpful assumptions like “I must always be perfect” or “I must never ask for help.” These rules may keep us functioning on the surface, but underneath, they lock in the belief that we are fundamentally not enough.

An Example of The Vicious Cycle of Low Self-Esteem

1. Negative early life experiences

2. Negative core beliefs (“I am not good enough”)

3. Unhelpful rules (“I must always succeed”)

-> (Neutral) trigger/situation/activator

-> Appraisal, negative assumptions and expectations

-> Avoidance, overcompensation, or self-criticism

-> Reinforcement of the belief, limiting personal growth

-> Confirmation of low self-worth

=> Repetition of the cycle

How Therapy Can Help: Evidence-Based Approaches

Therapy offers tools to break this cycle by helping you examine, challenge, and ultimately transform your beliefs and behaviours. Here are five powerful therapeutic modalities that can help:

1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most evidence-based treatments for low self-esteem. It focuses on identifying and challenging negative core beliefs and unhelpful thinking patterns. By learning to recognise distorted thoughts (“I’m a failure”), CBT helps you replace them with more balanced and realistic ones.

Key skills include:

• Cognitive restructuring

• Behavioural experiments

• Thought diaries

• Challenging assumptions

• Building self-compassion

CBT is especially effective because it provides structure and clear strategies for change.

2. Schema Therapy

Schema Therapy goes deeper than traditional CBT by addressing long-standing emotional patterns (called “schemas”) that began in childhood. These might include abandonment, defectiveness, or unrelenting standards.

Schema Therapy helps you understand why you feel the way you do and offers healing through reparenting, imagery work, and compassionate confrontation of the "inner critic."

This approach is particularly useful if your low self-esteem feels chronic, entrenched, and linked to early life wounds.

3. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)

Many people with low self-esteem struggle with intense self-criticism and shame. CFT aims to build the "compassionate self"; an inner voice that is kind, warm, and supportive.

Key elements include:

• Soothing the threat system in the brain

• Developing a compassionate inner dialogue

• Healing from shame

• Understanding the impact of self-criticism on mood

CFT helps you learn how to treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend.

4. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT focuses less on changing thoughts and more on accepting them without being controlled by them. It emphasises values- driven living, helping you take meaningful action even when uncomfortable thoughts are present.

Key strategies include:

• Mindfulness

• Defusion (stepping back from thoughts)

• Values clarification

• Committed action

ACT is particularly helpful when low self-esteem leads to avoidance and stuckness; it encourages courage, not perfection.

5. Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy explores unconscious patterns rooted in early relationships and experiences. It provides insight into how past dynamics may still influence your self-worth and behaviour today.

This therapy can:

• Explore formative experiences

• Make sense of relationship patterns

• Address attachment wounds

• Strengthen identity and inner resilience

It is a slower, insight-oriented process, but can create deep and lasting change, especially if your self-esteem challenges stem from early family dynamics.

Moving Forward: Rebuilding a Healthy Sense of Self

Therapy provides a safe, structured space to unlearn the old messages and behaviours that no longer serve you. Whichever approach you take, the goal is the same: to develop a more balanced, kind, and accurate view of yourself. Because you are not your inner critic.

You are someone worthy of compassion, growth, and change.

📞 Call us today to schedule a confidential appointment.